Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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