I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
