No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
