i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
