okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
