My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
