I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
