I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
