My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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