this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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