oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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