Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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