He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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