and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
