I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
