Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
