He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
