Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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