wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
