All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
MIDGETS
????
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize