Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
