im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
