bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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