we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
