I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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