White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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