So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
True college students do jello shots in the library
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