Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
