It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
