you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wear drunk well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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