Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
