Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
