I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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