I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
