I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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