Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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