I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
