I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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