If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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