she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
