So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
