Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
