best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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