Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
