I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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