well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
