She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
