Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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