This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
