my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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