remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
