This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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