My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
