I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
