Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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