I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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