In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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