Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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