Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
