You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My vagina is officially offended.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
