whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
