So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shame - the story of my life.
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