the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
