I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
