Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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