At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
