You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
