He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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