I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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