My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found puke in my bra..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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