I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize