it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I died a long time ago.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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