Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
