I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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