I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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