the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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