do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
