life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize