So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
