For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
