Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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