I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
