why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
