Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
