I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
