I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had to cum in my sink.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
