just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
