We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
