party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize