your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
