they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
