they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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