Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
