she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
