i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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