oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
