If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
