Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
