I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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