paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
