whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
