my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
