It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
