I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
