i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
