you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize