the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
