how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
